I'm going Where it's REALLY Hot
To: Tahlib
Fm: James Hipps
So, I took your advise and went to church. However, I think this is the first time I've ever gone to church, then had to come home and pray that I wouldn't go to hell for going to church.
I have to let this out, and you are the lucky recipient of my dark side.
This morning, as I said, I got up, and put on some nicely pressed clothes and headed to the Sunshine Cathedral. Being that I've never attended a service there before, I had no expectations. I went in with an open heart and mind.
As I entered, I found my way back to the last row of seats as I thought I'd have a better view of what it was like.
Shortly thereafter, I noticed I was chuckling a bit...something I really didn't know I was doing. But I quickly figured it out as I noticed not one, not two, but three gentlemen in close proximity to me that had very bad, and poorly placed toupees. The reason I was laughing is because of an old episode of 'Everybody Loves Raymond' where he bumps the guy in front of him at church to straighten his toupee. So, ok, I'm really laughing at 'Everybody Loves Raymond', not the people in the congregation. Whew I thought! I'm not going to burn for that one.
Then I forced my observations elsewhere before anyone noticed my snickering under my breath...and what do I see, a guy in a leather vest (no shirt underneath) assisting the choir as they prepared to parade to the front of the church. OK, I thought, here's diversity. A leather daddy praising God. Good for him, I thought...but still, It made me wonder, did he just leave the bar and come to church? Oh Lord, please forgive me for being judgmental in your house!
As the service began, it was nothing unusual. The choir commenced singing and the church leaders paraded down the isle towards the pulpit. It was then, I noticed a few rows in front of me, an extremely flamboyant man seated next to a woman. They were both holding their arms up in praise and seemed more than elated to be in church. I thought, good, I can settle down into the experience, when all of a sudden, the couple started chanting loudly...something I couldn't comprehend. Perhaps they were speaking in tongues I thought, but whatever it was, I laughed, this time out loud and I had to bite my tongue to refrain.
Being a little red faced at this point, I closed my eyes for a moment and thought, just listen to the choir. As I listened however, I heard the sound of a guitar and drums, so I opened my eyes to see. The choir director was playing guitar and needless to say, the music was, well, let me put it this way, I've been to many predominately Black churches and LOVE the soulfulness of the choir. All I could think now was that I should be wearing Birkenstocks and smoking pot. I glanced through the choir and noticed one brown skinned man, and one brown skinned woman in the choir of about 30. The thought immediately crossed my mind. Lord PLEASE let them take this choir over. Lord please make the rest of them stop singing followed by Lord, please forgive me for my sins. So I quickly thought, what's my lesson...there it was, I have an appreciation for the wonderful and energized music found at many Black churches I've attended. Lord, thank you for giving me that appreciation! Whew, not all was lost yet...so I thought. As the choir continued however, the director turned to the congregation and asked everyone to join in by clapping their hands....Lord, thank you for giving me rhythm, something these white folks don't have...and oh, please forgive me for being judgmental in your house once again.
The pastor soon started his rather bland and generic sermon. I think it's something he found on the back of a Cheerios box. It wasn't long before I started to think about Greg's posting about how he imagined slowly choking someone to silence, which seemed to help quit a bit actually. But then, I found myself desperately seeking a message to take home with me. I couldn't possibly go to church and not learn something I thought. When all of a sudden it came to me. Thank you lord for giving me patients to get through this. OH, but wait a minute...I'm afraid I may have just committed another sin in the house of God.
Then came time for the collection plates to be passed. I pulled a five dollar bill out of my wallet, and the thought went through my mind, please let this go to someone in need, but as they passed the collection plates, one of the choir members sang an operatic solo. It was at this time I took Greg's posting a step further and envisioned myself putting my head through one of the stained glass windows, something I knew would be less painful. Oh Lord, please forgive me.
Then came communion. I didn't partake. I wasn't sure what it was, but the Lord knew to keep me seated in silence for this one. Instead, I closed my eyes, and drifted away to a warm sandy beach. Thank you Lord for giving me this vision of what I'm going to do after I leave your house today!
After communion, something I've not been witness to before. A second passing of the collection plates. I thought, geez, I guess they didn't get enough the first time. But this time was different. The rather 'queeny' Rev. Durrell Watkins, a heavy set, middle aged, white man, danced the Charleston while the plates were passed. I really couldn't make this up. I was amused and confused. I opted to leave the other five dollar bill I had in my wallet in place. I was sure I would need it for an adult beverage after this was over...Lord, please forgive me for my sin.
As I summed it up in my mind, I thought, ok, if they'd fire the pastor, fire the choir, ask the congregation to follow a dress code that included shirts and only passed the collection plates once, this may be a nice church. Oh Lord, please forgive me!
As the Benediction commenced, I felt a huge sigh of relief and was glad I was positioned on the end of the last pew. I gathered my keys and sunglasses beside me, scoped the exit and as soon as I heard the last amen, I got in my daily dose of exercise by running for the door and to my car before a bolt of lightning came out of the sunny sky and struck me down.
I'm at home, I'm going to the beach. Lord thank you for giving me that!
Amen!
Fm: James Hipps
So, I took your advise and went to church. However, I think this is the first time I've ever gone to church, then had to come home and pray that I wouldn't go to hell for going to church.
I have to let this out, and you are the lucky recipient of my dark side.
This morning, as I said, I got up, and put on some nicely pressed clothes and headed to the Sunshine Cathedral. Being that I've never attended a service there before, I had no expectations. I went in with an open heart and mind.
As I entered, I found my way back to the last row of seats as I thought I'd have a better view of what it was like.
Shortly thereafter, I noticed I was chuckling a bit...something I really didn't know I was doing. But I quickly figured it out as I noticed not one, not two, but three gentlemen in close proximity to me that had very bad, and poorly placed toupees. The reason I was laughing is because of an old episode of 'Everybody Loves Raymond' where he bumps the guy in front of him at church to straighten his toupee. So, ok, I'm really laughing at 'Everybody Loves Raymond', not the people in the congregation. Whew I thought! I'm not going to burn for that one.
Then I forced my observations elsewhere before anyone noticed my snickering under my breath...and what do I see, a guy in a leather vest (no shirt underneath) assisting the choir as they prepared to parade to the front of the church. OK, I thought, here's diversity. A leather daddy praising God. Good for him, I thought...but still, It made me wonder, did he just leave the bar and come to church? Oh Lord, please forgive me for being judgmental in your house!
As the service began, it was nothing unusual. The choir commenced singing and the church leaders paraded down the isle towards the pulpit. It was then, I noticed a few rows in front of me, an extremely flamboyant man seated next to a woman. They were both holding their arms up in praise and seemed more than elated to be in church. I thought, good, I can settle down into the experience, when all of a sudden, the couple started chanting loudly...something I couldn't comprehend. Perhaps they were speaking in tongues I thought, but whatever it was, I laughed, this time out loud and I had to bite my tongue to refrain.
Being a little red faced at this point, I closed my eyes for a moment and thought, just listen to the choir. As I listened however, I heard the sound of a guitar and drums, so I opened my eyes to see. The choir director was playing guitar and needless to say, the music was, well, let me put it this way, I've been to many predominately Black churches and LOVE the soulfulness of the choir. All I could think now was that I should be wearing Birkenstocks and smoking pot. I glanced through the choir and noticed one brown skinned man, and one brown skinned woman in the choir of about 30. The thought immediately crossed my mind. Lord PLEASE let them take this choir over. Lord please make the rest of them stop singing followed by Lord, please forgive me for my sins. So I quickly thought, what's my lesson...there it was, I have an appreciation for the wonderful and energized music found at many Black churches I've attended. Lord, thank you for giving me that appreciation! Whew, not all was lost yet...so I thought. As the choir continued however, the director turned to the congregation and asked everyone to join in by clapping their hands....Lord, thank you for giving me rhythm, something these white folks don't have...and oh, please forgive me for being judgmental in your house once again.
The pastor soon started his rather bland and generic sermon. I think it's something he found on the back of a Cheerios box. It wasn't long before I started to think about Greg's posting about how he imagined slowly choking someone to silence, which seemed to help quit a bit actually. But then, I found myself desperately seeking a message to take home with me. I couldn't possibly go to church and not learn something I thought. When all of a sudden it came to me. Thank you lord for giving me patients to get through this. OH, but wait a minute...I'm afraid I may have just committed another sin in the house of God.
Then came time for the collection plates to be passed. I pulled a five dollar bill out of my wallet, and the thought went through my mind, please let this go to someone in need, but as they passed the collection plates, one of the choir members sang an operatic solo. It was at this time I took Greg's posting a step further and envisioned myself putting my head through one of the stained glass windows, something I knew would be less painful. Oh Lord, please forgive me.
Then came communion. I didn't partake. I wasn't sure what it was, but the Lord knew to keep me seated in silence for this one. Instead, I closed my eyes, and drifted away to a warm sandy beach. Thank you Lord for giving me this vision of what I'm going to do after I leave your house today!
After communion, something I've not been witness to before. A second passing of the collection plates. I thought, geez, I guess they didn't get enough the first time. But this time was different. The rather 'queeny' Rev. Durrell Watkins, a heavy set, middle aged, white man, danced the Charleston while the plates were passed. I really couldn't make this up. I was amused and confused. I opted to leave the other five dollar bill I had in my wallet in place. I was sure I would need it for an adult beverage after this was over...Lord, please forgive me for my sin.
As I summed it up in my mind, I thought, ok, if they'd fire the pastor, fire the choir, ask the congregation to follow a dress code that included shirts and only passed the collection plates once, this may be a nice church. Oh Lord, please forgive me!
As the Benediction commenced, I felt a huge sigh of relief and was glad I was positioned on the end of the last pew. I gathered my keys and sunglasses beside me, scoped the exit and as soon as I heard the last amen, I got in my daily dose of exercise by running for the door and to my car before a bolt of lightning came out of the sunny sky and struck me down.
I'm at home, I'm going to the beach. Lord thank you for giving me that!
Amen!
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